Coaching vs. Advising

by Johnny Hohenstein (Belmont Abbey College, ‘12)

As of late, a few of our Phi Kappa Theta Fraternity chapter executive boards have been asking about best practices when finding an advisor. In any situation, being without a mentor can make an individual or group seem a little lost. The imagery of a ship without a captain comes to mind: what would a bunch of pirates do out to sea with no chief swashbuckler to set the course?

While our organization technically does utilize and endorse an advising model (sans swashbuckling...), we prefer to use the term "coaches" when referring to the individuals in these roles. We do this in order to encourage a more dynamic relationship that emphasizes the idea of creating a two-way street communication style. The more that both parties understand that success can come as a result of collaborating and listening, the more likely both parties will find success - and enjoy the journey along the way.

Last month Phi Kappa Theta hosted its second annual Servant Leadership Summit, during which ten new Performance Coaches began their training. These individuals – a combination of alumni and community volunteers – will act as an extension of the Executive Offices. Each has the ability to offer tailored support, guidance, and challenges to three collegiate chapters.

By adding this personal level of support to chapter leadership and operations, Phi Kappa Theta hopes to be able to challenge our members to be better leaders while supporting them through difficult conversations and decisions. Performance Coaches are gearing up to hit the ground running with their chapters in January of 2019.

These two things, difficult conversation and decision making, were large parts of the Servant Leadership Summit. We wanted to treat this Summit as the foundational beginnings to a new initiative; we hoped to get all of our coaches in the same room, have intentional conversations about the Fraternity and Chapter Operations, and have each individual leave with the same action item: guide but not decide.

This notion comes from Sanford’s Challenge and Support Theory. The long and short of it is the idea that challenging an individual too much may see them buckle under pressure, whereas overwhelming support results in minimal learning opportunities. Performance Coaches had several opportunities during the Servant Leadership Summit to discuss what that means and how to navigate tough coaching conversations.

Pirate analogies aside, here are some of the principles that we discussed with coaches. Our hope is that it can translate into your own situation, whatever shape or form that may take. Phi Kappa Theta wants to extend a challenge to you: can you identify a mentor or coach within your office, profession or community at large using these criteria?

1. Coaches in your community should first and foremost be accessible. They should want to speak with and listen to members within your chapter. They should be good listeners. In fact, some of the best mentors speak less and listen more. Find someone that will listen to a chapter's questions, goals, insecurities, ideas, etc. so that they can get a good idea of the executive board's strengths, weaknesses and desires.

2. Coaches used as sounding boards can be a great way for student leaders to “make mistakes” without making mistakes that have long-term consequences on the chapter.

3. Coaches should be the type of people who like to encourage others, especially coaches that identify with the mission/vision of Phi Kappa Theta. They also should be the type of individual who can gently but firmly tell someone an idea is bad without destroying creativity.

4. Coaches should have experience and wisdom (the two don’t necessarily always go together). That is, they should have learned from their own mistakes. Think of some alumni in your area who may have had leadership experience in your own chapter.

5. Coaches also should be willing to be “coached" by their chapter. Any manager, mentor or advisor should be willing to learn from others no matter how young, seasoned, educated — or not — someone is. Coaching is a two-way street: they coach members, and members coach them on how they want to be coached.

Interested in becoming a Performance Coach? Contact us.

A Part of Something Bigger

Brother Ali Soufan Receives Phi Kappa Theta’s 2018 John F. Kennedy Award

by Matthew R. Miller
University of Nebraska, ‘12

Brother Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94) during a Q&A at IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL ).

Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94) applied to the FBI on a dare.

“When I joined the Bureau I didn’t think in a million years I’d be an FBI agent,” he said. “Literally it was a bet with fraternity brothers. Most of the guys in my fraternity were in law enforcement and ROTC. It was a joke to see if I would last in the application process. Actually I bet against myself.”

But Soufan did last. Over the next decade he was involved in a number of high-profile anti-terrorism cases around the world and has been described as the person who came closest to preventing the attacks of September 11, 2001. He has published two books, Anatomy of Terror: From the Death of Bin Laden to the Rise of the Islamic State and The Black Banners: The Inside Story of 9/11 and the War Against al-Qaeda. A recent Hulu miniseries, The Looming Tower, is based on his time in the FBI. Soufan is now CEO of The Soufan Group and founder of The Soufan Center – a “nonprofit organization dedicated to serving as a resource and forum for research, analysis, and strategic dialogue related to global security issues and emergent threats.”

Mr. Soufan is also the most recent recipient of Phi Kappa Theta’s John F. Kennedy Award – given to brothers who have thrived in their professional careers and who inspire others to live lives of service of others, improving the world around them.

In his acceptance speech Soufan noted John F. Kennedy once said leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. Soufan explained leadership isn’t about words and lectures but about action and attitude. Those actions and attitudes are themselves shaped by our experiences and our values – which is why his time in Phi Kappa Theta was so valuable.

“When I joined Phi Kaps, like I think most of you, I joined for the fun, for the parties, but then I realized it was way more than that,” he said. “It meant something to me to be something bigger than I am, and I’m very honored for that and will always be honored to be a brother of Phi Kappa Theta.”

The values he first felt full force in college – loyalty, trust, sacrifice friendship were things he said were vital to his work in counter-terrorism and the FBI.

“Many of my colleagues who were with me in places like Yemen and Afghanistan, the streets of the Middle East or north Africa, a lot of these guys we developed our own kind of brotherhood but it’s all based on my experience that I had before in college.”

Soufan believes many people today still see that stereotypical fraternity life of parties and mindless fun, but a deeper, honest look reveals the values Phi Kappa Theta possesses, values that can and will stay with a person forever if they take them seriously.

That’s a theme Soufan keeps returning to – the time a young man spends in college does not exist in isolation from the rest of his life. Phi Kappa Theta was so important for Soufan and can be for others because it’s a framework during a foundational time. The choices made, values acquired, the people one allows themselves to be shaped by, are all building towards a future life.

“The values of loyalty, friendship, courage, fortitude, love, faith - these things nobody can take away from you,” he said. “These things won’t stop the moment you graduate and you leave for real life. These values will continue with you. They continued with me through my professional life… These values are the true test of brotherhood and these values are the true test of leadership and these things will continue with us forever.”

Soufan said Phi Kappa Theta made his college experience far richer than it otherwise would have been. He was shaped, and continues to be shaped, by his college and especially his fraternal experience. It’s taken him where he is today and has given him the foundation to persevere when he needed to the most.

“If you have the brotherhood and the loyalty and sacrifice and you put them with these other values, I think you’ll be on a very strong personal and moral ground to fight and stand up against any difficulties in life,” he said.

Main Image: The 2018 John F. Kennedy Award recipient, Brother Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94), speaking with brothers at IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL this past August.

Watch Brother Soufan’s speech from IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL:

History And Lessons Along The Way

by Kyle Bueno
Bridgwater State University, ‘18

Brotherhood (n): An association, society, or community of people linked by a common interest, religion, or trade.

Phi Kappa Theta – Love, Brotherhood, God.

Brother Kyle Bueno (Bridgewater State University, ‘18) (center).

Those were the three words that united myself and my brothers together to form this brotherhood. As I write this on the 5:57pm commuter train out of South Station, Boston, MA, and heading to Middleborough/Lakeville, I begin to reflect on the good, the bad, and ugly times from my chapter. I am fortunate enough to have ended my collegiate experience on a good note and kept the faith for better days ahead.

The experiences I am about to write to you all have helped shaped me into the man I am today. It has made me realize I need these traits in order to not only be a good brother, but a gentleman. Honesty (even if it may sting), Integrity, Loyalty, Respect, and Compassion.

I begin the journey of my Greek Life experience as a second semester freshman. At first, I was hesitant about seeing what other fraternities had to even offer as I was thinking about how the movie Animal House depicted all Greek members as 24/7 partiers. That was not the college experience I wanted to have. But, nevertheless, my best friend from high school Jacob Bolarinho (past sage of Sigma Pi), encouraged me to join him and keep an open mind. So, I did, and I am beyond grateful to take that giant step out of my comfort zone.

Now, not to say the other organizations weren’t welcoming, because I have some amazing friends from other fraternities, but I felt more included in Phi Kappa Theta because the men whom recruited me were involved in various facets of campus; from Student Government Association, to Residence Life and Housing, to even working on campus. I wanted to be involved as much as possible. To this day, I do not regret my decision to join this amazing organization.

Kyle Bueno helping build a house in Connecticut. Spring 2017.

At my first chapter, I was feeling mixed emotions. I was so excited for the unknown, but nervous as hell, praying I wouldn’t get hazed or see anything like Animal House. I let those fears subside and looked for ways as a new member to get involved. I knew I always had an interest in service, so I ran for Community Service Chair and won the position. In hindsight, I couldn’t even imagine seeing that position springboard me into serving as Vice President of Social Development and later on as President.

Serving as Community Service Chair for the chapter had in no way prepared me for what was to come as Vice President of Social Development. It is still known as one of the biggest positions in the chapter as it oversees Philanthropy, Social, Community Service, Public Relations, and Risk Management. Yes, Risk Management. When I started, I had no idea how to talk to brothers who would do things that broke FIPG rules. One of the biggest areas needing improvement was social media.

Our social media was so horrendous that it became a mini part of a larger conversation we had as a chapter at Fireside. Which, as a second year, I absolutely regretted. Up till Junior year, our Fireside events would always be viewed as shouting matches between brothers. It would bring our morale way down and I mean, waaaay down. I realized a central part of what was missing was brothers understanding each other. We needed to speak with each other as brothers, not as Presidents or Vice Presidents, just brothers. It was at this point I realized Phi Kap wasn’t what was told to me at recruitment, but I wanted to do something about changing it.

I would be lying to you if I only wrote about all the good times I had as President of this organization. There were really tough moments I, and brothers on the E-board serving alongside me, had to experience. I also was working as a Resident Assistant, part-time at the information desk and serving as Student Trustee. It was a lot on my plate, making me realize the importance of self-care (which I’ll explain later). But I am proud of the work our chapter made in making it better than in years past.

We were able to fill our calendar with an abundance of events from brotherhood, to philanthropy, and socials. We even made Fireside enjoyable. However, I came to a point during my tenure when I wanted to just give up. It was during the summer before entering my senior year where we were going to hold our annual Quo Vadis retreat. During that planned day, a torrential downpour hit our campsite and I decided to cancel the event altogether. The next day, however, turned out to be amazing outside; sunny and hot. I was so disappointed with myself because I felt I let the chapter down.

So, I did not realize how my careless attitude brought negative energy towards the chapter. Morale was low, brothers were forming clichés, rumors were even spreading. In order to help tackle this, with the help of Executive Vice President, Robert Riggs, CAE (RPI, ’02), we decided to create an in chapter brotherhood event. We set up chairs in a circle and talked to each other about our feelings, aspirations in life, etc.

Brother Kyle Bueno (Bridgewater State University, ‘18) participates in the interactive storytelling/portrait shoot project to unify his campus. Spring 2017.

It was at this moment I felt I needed to get something off my chest and explain what was on my mind. I felt comfortable enough to come out to the chapter. It was the first time I ever spoke about it to anyone. It was because of this constant weight, and the other positions I had on campus, I did not have time to reflect on my own life. It was so nice to just take it off my chest and what was going on in my mind.

I learned a big part of leading is being honest with myself, to others around me, and having integrity. It was because of this, I, alongside the E-board, noticed a change and carried through strong towards the end of the semester.

Some people may ask themselves, “is there anything I would have done differently in college”? For me, the answer is no. It was because of all these experiences during my 4 years at Bridgewater State University, I am the person I am today. I realized I am a better friend, person, and brother because of the experiences I have dealt with and, in return, volunteer my time back as a Performance Coach for chapters in the Northeast.

I realized how important it is to not stretch yourself too thin and to stay humble. For those reading, I hope you too can love yourself as much as I can, are loyal to your brothers, friends, and family, and lead as REAL gentlemen should, with honesty and integrity. TBIS.

Main Image: Kyle Bueno during a service project to Cambodia. Spring 2018.

Overcoming Adversity to Give Back to Others

Colin Nguyen: 2018 Outstanding Young Alumnus Award Recipient

by Kathy Jonas
Indiana University, ‘78

There’s the picture of Colin Nguyen (University of Washington, ‘05) as the very definition of the American Dream. Immigrating to the United States as Communism took over South Vietnam while just seven years old, he spent time in a camp in Thailand where he and other children took used syringes and made them into water guns.

He was the recipient of the College Success Foundation Scholarship, funded by Bill and Melinda Gates. He went on to run one of the leading real estate companies in the Pacific North West. Along the way he conceived and organized an annual toy drive to benefit children spending the holidays in Seattle Children’s Hospital.

Then there’s the Colin Nguyen who entered a gang. The promising student who dropped out of college when his mother died. The successful college grad who lost his high-powered job and his fortune when the bottom dropped out of the economy while working for one of the largest mortgage companies in the country.

Both pictures represent the qualities espoused by Phi Kappa Theta: struggle through adversity, leadership, integrity, service to others, spiritual contemplation and reflection in times of loss and failure, the forgiving nature of brotherhood and the power of perseverance and courage.

“The greatest opportunity in life is the opportunity to experience the peaks and valleys that life has to offer,” said Nguyen as he received the Phi Kappa Theta Foundation Outstanding Young Alumnus Award at IMPACT18 in Orlando, Florida. The award is given to an alumnus under the age of 35 who exemplifies the ideals of Phi Kappa Theta through success and service to the community.

The journey Nguyen has traveled is as circuitous as his journey from Vietnam in 1990 and neither pictures of him accurately portray the man he has become. But a few things stand out: the love and respect of a parent, the fidelity of brotherhood and the resiliency of the human spirit.

In his speech given after receiving the award, Nguyen remembers his first Christmas in the United States when he and his family were at a food bank. They found themselves in line looking at used toys to take home. His mom suggested that a stuffed teddy bear might be a nice toy to select. “That night my mom taught me a profound lesson: that our attitude and perception will often determine our outcomes in life.”

While his early years were often plagued by bullying because of his inability to speak English, he said his mother refused to give up on him despite hanging out with the wrong crowd and even finding himself being held at gunpoint.

“There are moments in life, though, when we come to a crossroads and we need to look at ourselves in a mirror and decide what path to follow.”

That moment happened after coming home from a street fight one night and finding his mother crying at the kitchen table. She told him she had just found out she had terminal cancer and had only three years to live. Her dying wish was for him to attend college. “Little did I know that my life would change after that.”

He got a part-time job, studied hard to bring up his D average and ended up graduating with a 3.7 GPA. He got accepted at the University of Washington only to find out his family could not afford it. The Bill and Melinda Gates educational foundation had just started and he was the recipient of a scholarship.

Nguyen entered Phi Kappa Theta his sophomore year, only attending an event there because of the appeal of free pizza. He discovered some “amazing members” who inspired him to be focused and driven.

“Just as I was getting my life together, my worst fear occurred. During my sophomore year, my mom’s fight was coming to an end.” He pleaded with her to hang on until he graduated, hoping to make her dream come true. “As she passed away right in front of my eyes, I felt alone, abandoned and empty inside.”

He dropped out of college for a time, only returning after the support and love shown by his fraternity brothers. When they got up at the funeral and helped carry the casket to her burial site, he knew these people would remain a part of his life forever.

“We may come from different backgrounds and families, but this amazing brotherhood of Phi Kappa Theta unites us all together as brothers in life.”

“A few weeks later I decided to continue the journey to finish college in honor of my mom,” says Nguyen. “Don’t run away from the pain of your past, for pain will help you build character and lead you to a new beginning.”

He admits to being pretty smug when he got his first job and began acquiring a large house, a fancy car and was quickly anticipating a six figure salary. “I thought to myself ‘this is easy. I’ve figured out the key to success. I was an idiot to think that success could come so easy.”

He prayed to God for help, admitting he had lost his way. He didn’t go bankrupt, but learned some important lessons. “Believe me, I’m still making honest mistakes every day and learning from them,” he added.

He runs his real estate company and looks forward to time with his wife and daughter. The toy drive continues each Christmas in honor of his mother and all the children who cannot be home for the holidays. While serving thousands of children, his vision is to have a semi-truck filled with toys for the kids at Seattle Children’s Hospital.

“Today I’m grateful to be living the life my mom always believed I was capable of achieving.”

Main Image: 2018 Outstanding Young Alumnus, Colin Nguyen (University of Washington, ‘05) (right), with Fraternity President Adrian Gonzalez (University of Texas at Austin, ‘78) (left).

Watch Brother Nguyen’s speech from IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL: